Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
