Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
