I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
