you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
