I think i peed on brittanys purse
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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