sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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