I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
