Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
