Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
