Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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