I love black thongs
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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