one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
