take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
