and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize