Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
