I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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