Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
