I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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