My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
