you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
