I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Why can't burritos get me drunk
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
