We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
there is puke in my bra ... again
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
