our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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