Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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