so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
