apparently the secret to your success is patron
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
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