I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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