I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
