I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
