If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
