stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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