I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
She is in my trunk
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
