i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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