So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
