We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
