After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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