I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
