He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
