it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Houston, we have a blender
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
