I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
