your parents love me but you hate me
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
