I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
