I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
