Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
