Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
