I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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