we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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