why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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