i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
There was a lot of him and a little penis
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
