Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize