is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize