I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
did i walk over a car last night?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
