he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
