I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
