so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
