I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
