Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
