The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
