my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
