thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
