Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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