So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
