yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
