I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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