Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
