Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
