I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
