Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
