I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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