I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
zippers are such a cool invention
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
A+ Viking dick
Randomize
