Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
