I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
