Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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