Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
