Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
