well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
